My father-in-law threw a snowflake roll at me at Christmas dinner because I said I’d just received the booster shot. When I engaged in an argument about the efficacy of masks, he pounded his fists on the table and spit gobs of spiral ham onto mom’s good China shouting, “They trap CO and cause brain hemorrhages!” Defense of Dr. Fauci resulted in a collaborative “Let’s Go Brandon” chant from him and Grandma before he paused and asked me, “Why the hell don’t you do your own research and stop being such a sheep?”
He was right. I’ve done very little research about these topics and have instead relied on the data from various experts, doctors, scientists, and others with degrees in their specialized fields. I’d been such a fool.
A quick Google search of “Do masks work?” had me on a website that showed, quite convincingly, that wearing a mask for more than 1 minute causes oxygen to be absorbed through the ears, resulting in early-onset Alzheimer’s and an inability to remember the lyrics to the National Anthem. Longer-term mask use, according to several doctors with very impressive websites linked in the story, results in “self-generating Covid”, a strain that modifies your DNA, causing myocarditis, syphilis, and liberalism.
The links in these stories were extraordinary. Mountains of data and information the mainstream media had withheld from me, and the public, for years. Did you know Antarctica doesn’t exist? Airplanes are only a third the size they claim to be and fly no more than one thousand feet from earth’s disc-like surface. Don’t even get me started on Building 7.
On our six-thousand-year-old, flat earth, Dinosaurs walked among men and only died out because of the alien’s early attempt at installing 5G in Roswell, New Mexico during the fake bird installation of the early 1600s. George Soros built the moon out of melted airplanes, utilized after years of chemtrail spreading and ferrying passengers to Bielefeld, Germany (yeah right!).
To say this was eye-opening would be an understatement. I’d been blue-pilled for years, and not just because my doctor prescribed it for my weak erection. History, scientific discoveries, accepted realities of the natural world, weather, Joe Biden—all fake. The tech-run, globalist lizard people, who prey on and eat babies, have created a narrative to advance their socialist agenda and keep Joe Citizen in the shackles of disinformation for as long as necessary. Until the Great Awakening, which is right around the corner. No, but really this time. Before spring. Or right after Labor Day. Definitely by end of the year.
Researching my own personal history, I learned that mom and dad were liars. My great-great grandfather wasn’t, in fact, a stonemason, who emigrated here from Albania and worked his fingers to the bone to provide for our family but was instead a demonic cobbler that loved Satan. Like, a lot. A brief search on http://www.yourrealancestrynotwhatyouvebeen told.com shows that, based on my DOB, eye color, middle name, and birth city, I myself am actually Sawney Bean, a Scottish Cannibal, and have been being reborn every sixty-three years for the last several hundred, and I’ve eaten the hell out of thousands of people. Fuck, yeah.
Disinformation, “fake news” if you will, is a disease that must be stopped at all costs. I’m embarrassed I’ve spent so many years in darkness and only now see the light, which is also not real (magnet rays from the “moon” meant to convert us to communism/socialism which are exactly the same thing). I haven’t left this computer in weeks since my eyes were opened, and only plan to for the JFK, Jr-Palooza event in San Antonio next month, where he’ll announce that gravity, cancer, and wind are fake, as well as his Presidential run with the corpse of Augusto Pinochet.
WTF WWJD, my friends.
-Captain Soggy
The Soggy Blanket 
Brilliant. Don’t rule out Pinochet folks.
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